5 Ways to bond with your baby BEFORE they’re born
If you’re expecting a baby, you’re probably spending a lot of time thinking about what they’re going to be like, and what life will be like, once they’re born. When we think of meeting our babies, we often think of tiny scrunched up hands, soft downy hair, gentle snuffles and sighs and that intoxicating newborn smell. In truth, we can start getting to know our baby before they’re born – laying the foundations for our relationship with them.
Some of the benefits of prenatal bonding include:
Reducing Stress and Anxiety for parents: Forming a bond with your baby prenatally can be a source of comfort and reduce anxiety about pregnancy, childbirth and parenting.
Foetal Development: Many of the suggested activities to bond with your baby help to stimulate their developing senses. Additionally, a calm and connected mother can positively influence their baby’s emotional and physical development.
Emotional Preparation and Connection: Prenatal bonding helps in emotionally preparing for parenthood and gives a head start to the connection they have with their baby that will continue to grow once baby is born.
Easing the Transition to Parenthood: No matter how much you prepare, the transition to parenthood, or to welcoming another baby to your family, can be a difficult one. Parents who bond prenatally often find it easier to connect with their newborns, making tasks like settling a baby, feeding and waking through the night easier.
Bonding with your baby prenatally is something you can build into your day-to-day life as an expecting parent – the possibilities are endless, but I’ve put together five simple suggestions for how you can start incorporating these relationship building moments into your life.
1. Talk to your baby.
From as early as 16 weeks gestation, your baby’s auditory system is developed enough to start responding to sound and by 23 weeks your baby can begin to hear and respond to sounds outside the womb, including your voice. Initially the closeness of the pregnant mother’s voice makes it the most distinctive, but the good news for dads is that lower frequency sounds, such as male voices, are also some of the earlier sounds from outside the womb that your baby begins to hear. By the third trimester research has shown that babies can recognise the familiar voices of their caregivers, becoming more alert when they hear these voices over others. Once baby is born your voice will be a familiar anchor as they adjust to the new outside world, helping them to feel safe and secure. Talking to your baby can be as simple as narrating parts of your day out loud to them - talk to them about what you see as you drive to work, the process of making a cup of tea or the silly antics your dog is getting up to. You might like to take time out of your day to sit and have a chat with your baby, telling them about your day, the important people in your family’s life and your hopes and dreams for your future together.
2. Read or sing to your baby.
For some people, talking to their baby without any structure can feel uncomfortable, especially in the beginning. Similarly, it can be hard for anyone aside from the birthing parent to have these chats with baby throughout the day. Reading a book or singing a special song to baby is a lovely way to ensure baby hears the voices of important people in their life such as parents, grandparents or even siblings. If your baby has an older sibling who you read or sing to, you could chat to the sibling about how the baby is listening to this book/song too- inviting baby in to your day-to-day family life and beginning to build links between your older children and baby. Regularly reading books with a strong rhythm, such as “We’re Going on a Bear Hunt” or singing the same song has the added benefit of becoming recognisable to baby with research showing that babies can recognise the familiar tonal pattern and rhythm of books and songs they have heard frequently in utero. These familiar sounds can be especially soothing to newborn babies– how special to start the routine of singing a special lullaby for your baby before they’re even born!
3. Bring baby to mind
As you go about your day, consider what life is like for your baby as they are carried along with you. As we’ve established- they’re already experiencing sounds of the outside world, but did you know other senses are activated in utero too – taste, touch and even sight are all helping your baby begin to understand your world. There isn’t much to see inside your womb, but it isn’t completely dark either, from as early as 22 weeks gestation your baby may start to respond to bright lights from outside your belly. During your third trimester of pregnancy your baby’s sight continues to develop and they start to open their eyes, track movement and light and develop the ability to see their first colour- Red!
Your baby will be responding to your movements and touch too. You may find that baby is soothed to sleep as your go for a walk and is suddenly full of beans when you sit down to rest. Pay attention to these patterns and how your world is linked to your baby’s world. As baby grows and presses up against the walls of your uterus it will begin to respond to your touch, gently rubbing your belly or playfully poking at your baby can increase your sense of connection and let baby know that you are there, responding to their cues already.
4. Play music for your baby
As with voices, babies can start to hear other outside sounds from 23 weeks gestation. Noises like dogs barking, dishes clattering and cars honking start to filter through, helping baby’s auditory system develop and preparing them for the noisy world awaiting them. If music is a big part of your life, incorporating music in to your growing baby’s world is a perfect way to further build your bond with them. As you listen to music, tune in to how your baby is responding to what you’re playing. Do they move more to certain songs, does a particular genre sooth them? If you’ve begun to tune in to your baby’s movements, you might even like to try to match the tempo of the music you choose to what mood you think your baby might be in.
5. Time for reflection
Taking a mindful moment to think about your baby can also help develop your bond while reducing stress. You might like to have a journal where you write letters to your baby or record aspects of your pregnancy experience to share with them in the future. You could spend time visualising this little person, who might they look like and what might their personality be? Imagine what it’s going to be like when you finally meet your baby – visualise what this experience might look, sound and feel like – you might even like to share these thoughts with your birth supports. If you enjoy guided meditations, apps like Insight Timer offer guided meditations specific to pregnancy – including guided visualisations.
As a specialist in perinatal and infant mental health I always encourage expecting parents to give some time to prenatal bonding, but my suggestions are just examples of how you can start to bond with your baby. Find something that is enjoyable to you and don’t feel pressured to do it all – this is a process that is meant to make your pregnancy more enjoyable, not more stressful. Get creative and have fun connecting with your baby!